Rob Grant and Doug Naylor

  This dude right here is David Lister. I started watching the show when I was 17 because I had a crush on him. This Black man is the only human being still alive in the entire universe (cool huh? J ). Of course this isn’t really him. This is the hologramatic version of his dead self emerging from another dimension in the episode Tikka to Ride. Unfortunately, the hologramatic David Lister doesn’t make it into the dimension where the real David Lister is and where his girl Kristine Kochanski wound up because the portal closes up before he can get to the other side in time, and the real David Lister is happy about this because he and Kochanski used to be together and it’s always been his dream "to find her and then lie on top of her and move up-and-down rapidly in that curious way that humans find so agreeable" (Kryten’s clever quote*). The real, live David Lister is "a space bum" who hates work, baths, showers, and deodorant, and loves "vindaloo" (a very hot Indian dish). He’s the good guy, so to speak, courageous, a person of high moral standard and "gerbil-faced optimism".

  This dude right here is Arnold Rimmer. Of course this isn’t REALLY him. This is the AR video game version of himself, Dangerous Dan McGrew. In this episode, Gunmen of the Apocalypse, Rimmer, Lister, and the Cat hook themselves up to the AR machine so they can go inside of Kryten’s dream and help him battle the virus that’s threatening to kill Kryten and his mates by wrecking the ship. Dangerous Dan McGrew is very brave and an excellent fist fighter. At least until the Apocalypse virus rids him and his fellows of their special powers and he turns back into his old Rimmer self. The real Arnold Rimmer is a cowardly chicken and, in the words of the other fellows, "a toad", "a weasel", and a "backstabbing Judas" (His middle name by the way is Judas). He runs at the first sign of trouble, and is two-faced when it comes to the other shipmates. He blames the way he is on his parents. His father was extremely strict and his mother was "a bitch queen from hell". He’s a hologram, a computer-generated version of his dead self, who was originally killed by a radiation leak on Red Dwarf . But since he was the last one killed, he came back in the form of a hologram, "composed entirely of light".

  This is the Cat. Or rather, the AR video game version of himself, The Riviera Kid. The Riviera Kid is a master with the handgun and can cap somebody from a mile away. The real Cat is shallow, dumb, and EXTREMELY vain and self-centered. To him, the most important things is life are looking good; clothes; looking good; himself; looking good; the Cat; clothes; looking good; his hair; his looks; himself; and the Cat. In the episode of The Inquisitor, when he’s standing before The Inquisitor, ordered to "justify" his reason for being, he says, "Well. I have given pleasure to the w-o-orrld because I have such a beautiful ass!". "Is that all?" asks The Inquisitor, who is also the Cat, since everyone is judged by his/her own self. "You need more?" says the Cat, incredulously. "Some might say that’s a pretty shallow argument," says the Inquisitor. "Some might say I’m a pretty shallow guy," says the Cat. "But a shallow guy with a great ass." "Sometimes you astonish me," says the Inquistor. "Thank you," says the Cat, gloating.

 This here is Kryten. In this episode, The Last Day, he breaks the news to his fellows that his expiration date is near and he’s going to be replaced by a mechanoid who we later find out is hardcore to the bolts and can even break a wooden plank in half with his priv. The other crewmates, Lister, Rimmer, the Cat, and Holly, decide to do a little something special for Kryten, kind of a going away party. They get him drunk and even assemble a female mechanoid (who’s supposed to look like Marilyn Monroe) for him to have a good time with. I think I remember what happened with this chick, but I won’t say, since I only saw the episode once, and who knows, maybe you’ll get to see what happened one day and would like to be surprised . . .Kryten’s sole purpose for being is to serve human beings, and to be submissive towards them. However, with the help of Lister, the guy he really looks up to the most, he learns to break his programming so he can do things like lie and be more human-like.

Now this right here might be a tad confusing. These two heads are Holly, Red Dwarf’s computer. Holly originally had an IQ of 6000, but was later infected with "computer senility", and became a stone idiot. Despite being a moron, Holly is very useful in navigation, scanning the ship for harmful invaders, and warning the "boys from the dwarf" of impending dangers. Holly was originally a dude. But then one day, the fellows slipped into a parallel universe, where guys are the ones who get pregnant, and Neilly Armstrong was the first woman on the moon (By the way, Lister did something really stupid when he got drunk and had a one night stand with the female version of himself . . .). Holly met Hilly, his female version, and fell in love. Later on, when the boys were back in their world, out of what I guess you can call deranged obsession, Holly performed a sex change operation on himself so he could look like Hilly. But Holly he remained. You know what? That’s not really so confusing! Is it?

  This chick right here is Kristine Kochanski (I kept thinking her last name is spelled with a "C"). She’s the chick Lister went out with for a while, the girl he dreamed of marrying. But then she was killed by that radiation leak. When she re-entered the dimension she was killed out of, I didn’t really want her to there at first, no matter how cute she was. Because I was used to it just being the guys, the boys from the dwarf, and I thought a chick would just mess everything up. But after a while I got used to her, so now she’s cool, even though she hasn’t been around as long as the others. Sometime after the dead crew members were resurrected by the nanobots, Kryten made a penis for himself because he was sick of being classified as a female. The penis got aloose somehow, and Kochanski, Kryten’s bunkmate, was trying to kill it with a broom because she thought it was a mouse. When Kryten told her what it was, she congratulated him. Of course Kryten wanted to know why she was extending her congratulations to him. She then said something I’ll never forget.

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